Kevin WranovixEveryone has seen the Instagram pictures. The huts that seem to float over the impossibly blue water, the sand as white and fine as flour. Sunsets that scorch the sky as if it’s the last chance they will ever get. We took on the difficult assignment of traveling to the far side of the world to see if Instagram influencers had somehow pulled off the Fyre Festival’s wildest dreams and created an entire fantasy island replete with a national flag and a Wikipedia page simply to make money on social media. Now that I think of it, that’s not a bad idea. Billy and Ja, if either of you are reading this, give us a call.
It was an incredibly difficult assignment, and we suffered through it for you all. We will do anything for the story, and our editors (Catherine) put intense pressure on us to really dive deep and give our readers what they want. We gave it our all.
So to begin, I will put this in the most scientific terms I know: the Maldives is ridiculous. Even after having spent six days there, I’m still not sure how it can possibly be real. You are both wowed and kind of disgusted not only that it exists and people live here but that you have paid to be there (because of how much you’ve paid is more accurate). It’s pretty easy to get over that self-loathing after, I dunno, thirty-seven seconds or so. The first sunset or sunrise also seals it deep down where you will never have to see it again.
We arrived after a connecting flight in Singapore (Singapore’s airport is beautiful, as you would expect). We were greeted at the Male airport by a hotel member and then put on a seaplane for the hour long flight to the island. All of the resorts in the Maldives are on their own islands and not necessarily because they are swanky. The islands are just tiny. Our hotel had 66 rooms and you could get across it in maybe 15 minutes walking. But why walk, when beach cruisers are provided for you?
We stayed at the COMO Maalifushi. When we were looking at resorts on the internet while planning the trip, we got a little obsessive. The Maldives is reputed to be such an astonishing place, that we wanted to make sure we didn’t arrive and somehow end up disappointed when the resort did not live up to the marketing (anyone who has used AirBnB extensively has almost certainly had this happen, as we would later in our trip multiple times…). After stalking websites, Instagram photos from people staying at the resorts, and reading over all the restaurant menus close to hundred times, we decided COMO was the spot for us. And we could not have been more right.
On our first morning we were welcomed with a floating breakfast where they bring you your eggs, pastries, pancakes, lattes, mimosas, and fresh local fruit on a floating tray that goes in your pool. You get to eat while floating around. When you see it, it’s beautiful. When you’re standing on your tip toes and have to worry about dripping pool water in your syrup, you realize it’s not the most practical thing in the world, but boy does it look cool. And does anything taste as good as pretending on social media that your life is a fairy tale? If there is, we haven’t tried it yet.
Our first night we were led to a “candlelit beach dinner”, where they set up a table maybe fifty yards from the restaurant on the sand. That was our “honeymoon celebration” dinner and we ordered as much of the menu as would fit on our table. You’ll be happy to know that wine prices are even more absurd in the Maldives than in American restaurants and that your humble heroes did not let that stop them ordering what appeared to be an expensive bottle. Nor did it stop them from reconsidering when it arrived at their table sporting a trendy twist top. We are no wine snobs by any means, but our one trip to Napa, CA & Willamette, OR taught us enough to understand that top notch wine is accompanied by the sound of a satisfying pop rather than a snap and crackle.
The next day we did a guided snorkeling expedition looking for turtles but saw so much more. The guide said it was one of the luckiest ones he’s led. He was an amazing free driver and could spot all kinds of sea wildlife that we couldn’t. When he saw something at a distance, he would point, as in the case of the numerous guitar sharks and yes, even an entire pod of dolphins that swam underneath us. When the target required more specificity, he would dive down 20-30 feet to almost touch camouflaged turtles that our land-lubbing eyes couldn’t pick out among the coral. We were also lucky enough to see a devil ray and a barracuda.
According to our guide and all the other staff at the resort, every shark nearby is harmless to humans. That’s what they told us, and we chose to believe it.
Other notable outings included getting to feed sharks that hang out under one of the restaurants (that water is connected to the water we swam in all the time, and there were…uh… a lot of sharks), as well as stand up paddle boarding, and a personal guided kayak tour to a neighboring deserted island. On our last night we were treated with a private “Cinema Under the Stars” on the beach and had popcorn and drinks while watching a movie on a projector. It was so relaxing that Catherine promptly fell asleep.
The resort only has two restaurants but the menus change every day and they do themed nights each week as well, so there was never a possibility of getting bored with options. We had a Thai family style meal, a Maldivian family style meal, a dinner at the sushi restaurant, and all kinds of other tasty things. I tried to order the weirdest thing every time, which was always amazing. I’ve had asian style porridge/rice soups for breakfast before, but it wasn’t until the amazing ones here, that I realized it would be a go to option for the rest of our SE Asia leg. Catherine actually got pretty adventurous a few times herself.
We took Covid tests the day before we left in order to make sure that Thailand would let us in. When the results came back negative I showed them to Catherine with a sigh of relief and was confused to see why she was so upset. I quickly realized it was because she had (not so subtly) been hoping we’d test positive and have to quarantine there. If it weren’t for the fact that staying a week there isn’t much less expensive than a down payment on a house, I’d have been onboard. Alas, the Covid gods had smiled on us and we headed off ourselves to the Land of Smiles.
